My parents make sure I don’t miss school, but when I’m at home I can’t concentrate and it’s really hard to get homework done. What should I do?

Lots of young carers feel that it is hard to concentrate and get homework done at home. It’s okay to feel frustrated or annoyed about this situation. Consider other spaces where you could complete your homework that would fit easily into your life. Is there a library or a quiet cafe near your house? Does your school have an after-school homework program? Is there a friend or family member whose home you could go to complete your work? Consider all your options and draw on all the resources you have. If your parents are very supportive of your schoolwork maybe there’s a way they could set up your home that makes it easier for you to work.


Enlist other peoples help, such as your parents and teachers, in solving this problem. Think about what kind of environment you work best in. Do you like it to be silent? Do you like some music, or background noise? Let the people helping you know what kind of space you need for working so they can help you find it or set it up.

Why is life so hard?

Sometimes life deals us some very challenging situations which are beyond our control. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated about our circumstances. We may have ways of understanding these situations through spiritual or religious ways of thinking, or we may feel that they are totally unexplainable. Although we may not be able to change our circumstances or understand why they are so difficult, we can take steps to make ourselves feel better. It is important to find moments and sources of love and joy within our situations. Meeting other young carers in similar circumstances can be helpful. We are never alone in the feeling that life is hard and it can be helpful to connect with others who are dealing with the same feelings.

Why does my brother say he misses me even when I leave the house for just one second?

Sometimes young carers have very close relationships with the family member they care for. Your family member may rely on you for certain things and feel anxious or worried when you go out, even for a short time. It may feel both good and empowering to be needed and wanted all the time, but it might also be frustrating or feel restricting. Whatever your feelings are about the situation, it’s good to take care of those feelings by talking to someone you trust or doing something which helps you feel better.

If there are other people in your family who help care, talk to them about your family member’s feelings about going out. You might be able to plan more shared responsibility so your family member doesn’t miss you as much. Keep in mind that you may not be able to change your family member’s feelings about you going out, but if you can strike a balance between caring for your family member and caring for yourself, both of you will feel happier.


What do I do when my sister in inconsolable?

There are lots of different things people do to try and make someone feel better, like giving them a hug or saying some encouraging words. Sometimes the person we are caring for needs different things at different times to make them feel better, and what might work one time might not work another time. It can be hard trying to figure out what you should do. Sometimes the best thing is to ask the person what would make them feel better. If the person cannot speak to tell you what they need, listen to their body language, actions, and facial expression as best you can. Remember though, it’s not our job to change the way someone is feeling and it’s not our fault that they are feeling bad. Sometimes there is nothing we can do to change how a person feels, and it’s okay to feel frustrated or upset that you can’t change it. What is really great, is that your family member knows you care! You can be very proud of the fact that you tried to make them feel better and that is a wonderful thing all on its own!


Written by Anna Tennent- Riddell

Photos from freedigitialphotos.net 

Recently, at at one of our YCP nights, we had a drum circle. The group learned various different musical parts which, when played together, created the overall rhythm. We discussed some of the ways in which drumming challenges our minds and bodies; it requires listening carefully to the musicality of everyone else in the group, but not too carefully, in order not to lose the distinct rhythm which each person is playing. Drumming requires of us a great deal of awareness of what others are playing and a strong commitment to and confidence in our own rhythm. Too much or too little of either aspect and the drum circle doesn’t work; it is a balancing act. 

Being a young carer involves a similar balancing act. Young carers must be highly aware of the needs of others, particularly of the family member whom they care for. At the same time they must be committed and confident in their own lives and identities, especially as young adults. Trying to create this balance in life can be stressful and challenging. While other people the same age might be concerned with where they want to go to school, what part-time job they want to do, or where they want to go with their friends on Friday night, young cares have to consider all these aspects in balance with the needs of their family member. Sometimes worrying about a family member’s condition can also make it difficult to participate in social, academic, or athletic activities which help create that balance. 

There are many antidotes to the stress and worry associated with caring for a family member, and they require of young carers significant maturity:


Accepting what is beyond our control

Accepting what is beyond our control and beyond our choice in life is important. This involves doing what we can to take care of and love our family members with an awareness that we may be able to affect, but not control the outcome. This takes a lot of courage, as it means we are confronted with great uncertainty. It is, however, an important skill which can help us throughout all of life. Almost everyone, not just a young carer, is confronted with challenging life experiences which demand this skill.


Celebrating being a Young Carer

Another important aspect of coping with stress and worry is a celebration young carers. The situations of young carers are unique, special, and worthwhile. Young carers have knowledge, skills, and experiences which other young people do not. Even if one does not always receive recognition, any work one does to help others is greatly appreciated and always meaningful. 

Asking for what you need

Teachers, friends and other important people in your life may not know or understand what you are dealing with. If there are people you trust, it can be helpful to let them know what’s going on in your family and ask them for support. You might need a flexible homework or assignment due date schedule from you teacher or a boss at work who is willing to help find people to cover your shift if you need to cancel at the last minute. Asking for what you need can greatly reduce stress and anxiety. 

Doing what you love

Even though it can be very difficult to maintain the balance and keep up different activities, it’s important to keep doing what we love and what is important to us. Doing what we love gives us energy. If we can find something which inspires us, it can carry us through times of stress of worry. Young cares, here at the YCP program we are very proud of you and we feel you have amazing potential to discover and excel at the things you love to do!

Do you have any strategies for reducing stress and worry? If so, post them below in the comments!

Written by Anna Tennent- Riddell

Photos from freedigitialphotos.net 

Balancing school can be challenging for anyone. Getting to class, doing assigned readings and/or homework, completing assignments, studying for tests…being a student is a full-time job! However, managing the workload of school can be additionally challenging when you are a young carer. Helping to care for a family member is often an urgent priority and when being a young carer is demanding of your time, schoolwork often falls behind. By the time you are done your caregiving responsibilities and have some time to focus on schoolwork, you might be too exhausted, frustrated, and overwhelmed to get anything done.

While it is very normal for young carers to find it challenging to balance caring responsibilities and school responsibilities, it can still be frustrating to experience these challenges. Here are some tips that could help you to manage school as a young carer!

1.     When you sit down to start your work, take a moment to breathe. If you have had a busy day managing other responsibilities and you now have some time to focus on your school work, it can be difficult to transition into a focused mindset. Taking a minute to close your eyes and take a few deep breaths may help you to let go of the things that have happened earlier in the day and transition into focusing on your schoolwork.

2.     Try your best to focus on one thing as a time. When it gets to that time of year when everything seems to pile up and is due all in the same week, it can be really overwhelming and hard to focus on your work. If we think about all of the things we have to do at once, it can be debilitating and seem impossible to get it all done. But, if we try to focus on one thing at a time, like the assignment that is due first or the reading that is the most pressing, we can slowly but surely get those items checked off our to-do lists.

3.     Schedule time to get your work done. As a young carer, your schedule might be so busy that your caregiving responsibilities are part of your schedule. In order to better manage school, pencil in time in your day to do school work, even if you can only afford 30 minutes to an hour. Be specific about what you are going to work on during that time too, so that if you are thinking about when you are going to get your work done throughout the day, you will know exactly what will get done and when.

4.     Try your best to get work done (or at least started) in advance. I know that this one is easier said than done, but it’s true. Waiting until the night before something is due is a sure-fire way to cause yourself stress, so trying your best to start an assignment or studying for a test (because that’s often the hardest part) a couple of weeks in advance will be helpful in the long run. However, sometimes it all piles up and the night-before-something-is-due-rush just happens. In that case, tips 1 and 2 might be helpful.

5.     Tell your teacher about your caregiving responsibilities. Sometimes, we want to be able to do it all and not have to ask for help. But when you know you have responsibilities that are going to make it challenging for you to get assignments done on time, one of the most useful things you can do is to talk to your teacher or instructor about your caregiving responsibilities. In many cases, teachers and instructors are very understanding and are willing to work with you on deadlines that are realistic for you. The key is to have this conversation as early as possible. If you let you teacher know about your responsibilities well in advance of a due date, they will likely appreciate your conscientiousness about your work and their time. If you send them an e-mail the night before something is due letting them know about your circumstances, they might wonder why you didn’t let them know about this before and might not be so understanding.

Do you have any tips that have worked well for you? Post them in the comments below!

- Written by Annie Basterfield

Photo from freedigitalphotos.net ("Young College Woman Reading" by Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee)